The Dark Side of the Moon

From Breakdown to Breakthrough: A Journey Through Darkness to Wholeness

Trigger Warning: This post includes personal reflections on depression and suicidal thoughts. If you are struggling, please reach out to a trusted resource or mental health professional. You are not alone, and you are deeply loved.

Today, I met up with a friend I recently connected with through Reiki class.

We first bonded over the word “trauma” — not only in what we’ve lived through, but in the sacred ways we feel called to help others heal. As I told her parts of my story — not from pain, but from presence — I realized something: I have come so far. I'm grateful for the new friendship that reflects my healed state of being.

I remembered the version of me that used to silently suffer, the one who smiled on the outside but fell apart in private. As far back as my teenage years in Singapore, I felt emotions I didn’t know how to name. I’d excuse myself from class, punch the restroom walls, splash cold water on my face, then return to my seat like nothing happened —performing joy, giving light to others, but unable to offer any of it to myself.

Back then, I didn’t understand why I felt so heavy inside. I didn’t know I was carrying so much — not just my own pain, but the unspoken wounds of others. I once tried to rescue someone I loved from their suffering. He was drowning in his own darkness, and I thought I could be his light. But in trying to hold him up, I started sinking too. I sat on the edge of a 10th floor window, more than once, wondering if the only way out was down.

And yet… I stayed. Even when I didn’t know how, something in me always held on. Some quiet voice whispered, not yet.

Years later, I understand now what that voice was —it was my soul, my higher self, the part of me that always knew there would be light again. When my friend asked, “How did you survive all of that?” I had to pause. The truth is… I didn’t have a perfect answer. I didn’t have a plan. But I had one gift: I reached a point where I realized I had nothing left to lose. And in that surrender, something beautiful happened —I stopped fearing death, because I realized I wasn’t really living.

We spend so much of our lives afraid of death…and yet, we deny ourselves the fullness of life. We tiptoe through our days trying to avoid pain, failure, rejection —and forget that we’re already dying, slowly, by not truly living. That moment became my breakthrough, not by force, not by escape —but by choosing to embrace life, fully and consciously, one breath at a time.

This morning, a sentence came to me like a whisper from my soul:“Every breakdown is an opportunity for a breakthrough.” I believe this deeply now, not because life got easier — but because I became more aware. We are not here to be perfect. We are here to be whole. And wholeness only comes when we make peace with our shadows —not by feeding them, indulging in them, or using them to justify harm, but by becoming conscious of what they are, where they come from, and what they are trying to teach us.

There is a dark side to every moon —but that doesn’t make the moon any less beautiful.

When we learn to sit with our pain —to observe it, study it, hold it without shame —we begin to transmute it. We gain insight. We reclaim choice. We transform from within.

I no longer shame myself for being human. I no longer punish myself for slipping into sadness or frustration. Because now I know: the deeper the shadow, the brighter the light waiting to rise.

My joy now is real, because it’s not built on denial — it includes everything, even the tears, even the rage, even the moments I used to hide. So if you're in a dark place right now —please hear me: You are not broken. You do not need to be fixed. You are remembering who you truly are. You were never meant to walk through life in constant light. You were meant to become whole —by embracing every piece of yourself with love.

You don’t need to escape your shadows, but listen to them, learn from them, and choose again — in alignment with your truth. That’s when healing begins.

🌙 A Gentle Reminder:

Embracing your darkness is not the same as feeding it. It does not mean continuing harmful patterns or romanticizing pain. It means honoring the parts of you that have been ignored, misunderstood, or unloved —and choosing to meet them with awareness and responsibility. You can hold yourself accountable and hold yourself with compassion. Both are possible. Both are powerful.

And just as important:You are not here to carry anyone else's pain for them. You can love people deeply without losing yourself in their shadows. You can care without absorbing. You can be supportive without self-sacrificing. Protecting your energy is not selfish — it is sacred. Tending to your light is one of the most compassionate things you can do for others, because when you are whole, clear, and grounded, you can hold space for healing and not be swallowed in it.

With so much love,

Solarys