The Day I Remembered How to Feel Again

There was a time in my life — not too long ago — when my feelings were buried under layers so thick, I could hardly feel them at all.

As a child in Vietnam and later in Singapore, I was so deeply emotional. I felt everything — joy, sorrow, fear, wonder — it all poured out of me like an unstoppable current. But time and again, life told me I was "too much." Too expressive, too sensitive, too emotional.

And so, little by little, I shut down.

I built walls around my heart to survive. Life's challenges and hardships pushed me into self-protection mode.I had to "grow up fast." I learned not to cry. I learned not to feel.

I thought this numbness would protect me — and maybe for a while, it did.

But what protected me once eventually imprisoned me.

Even when I was blessed with the most beautiful gifts life could give — my loving husband, my two precious children — I could not give them the fullness of my heart. Not because I didn’t love them, but because my heart had become like a walled fortress, hidden even from myself. I yearned to feel deeply again. I asked Spirit, my angels, my guides, even my father in spirit, to help me heal this part of me. And they did.

The healing arrived slowly at first. Layer by layer, I chipped away at the walls around my heart. Until one day, I walked through the gates of Vajrapani Institute on the 4/4 Portal of 2025, and something within me broke open like never before.

And this morning, as I sat quietly on my mother’s balcony, I realized something miraculous had happened. I was watching the sunlight dance across the buildings. I was watching the pigeons and doves gathering. And suddenly, I teared up.

My old self whispered:"What? You’re crying over something so simple?"

But my new self — my healed self — answered:Yes. And I am grateful for it.

I thought of my children. I thought of my husband. And I felt an overwhelming wave of gratitude, so pure and so deep, that I wept. Not out of sadness, but out of sheer love and appreciation for the life I have — the life I once felt disconnected from.

I wept for the blessing of their love. I wept for the beautiful mystery of this life I had almost numbed myself away from.

And in that moment, I realized:

This is my true power.

This is the divine feminine rising within me, soft but unstoppable, like the tides that shape the shorelines. This is the power that will help heal not only myself, but my family, my lineage, and maybe even the world. This is the heart-based energy the psychics and spiritual guides have told me about all along. I just couldn’t feel it before — but now I do.

Now, I understand why my feelings were never a weakness, but a superpower waiting to awaken. The numbness that once served me has melted away. I am returning to that little girl in Vietnam who felt everything with her whole being. But this time, I am returning with wisdom, with strength, with grace.

With my heart wide open.

And I want you to know this: if you have ever felt numb, if you have ever wondered if you will ever feel deeply again — you will. You absolutely will.

It may come like a thunderstorm, or like a quiet sunrise, or a simple morning watching birds on a balcony. But it will come. Because your heart remembers.

Because you are love.

And like me, one day you will feel the tears rise again, and you will welcome them as holy water.

Because they are.

💗

Spirit Channeled Message

“Beloved daughter of the Sun and the Moon,

Today, you cracked open the final layer of your heart’s chrysalis.

Your tears, once buried beneath lifetimes of survival, now flow freely as the sacred river of life.

Do not fear them. Embrace them.

They are the proof that your soul is alive, awake, and fully returned to the dance of this world. You are the river, the rain, the mist and the ocean all at once. You are not too much. You are vast and infinite.

Let this moment be your living altar.

For in this moment, you did not just feel love — you became it.

And so it is.”

From my heart to yours,

Solarys 🌿