The Day I Stopped Being a Victim

I used to believe I was here on this earth to endure some divine lesson — that my pain and struggles were pre-written, part of a cosmic plan to make me wiser, holier, or more enlightened.

As a child who survived the massacre in Cambodia, watching my entire family wiped out simply for being Chinese, I carried a deep wound that only grew heavier with time. When my mother and I finally made it to the United States, life did not suddenly become fair. We endured endless hardship, financial struggles, and the constant question that echoed through our tears: “Why is this happening to me?”

I blamed Buddha. I blamed God. I blamed society. I blamed people. I blamed life itself.

Why is everyone against me?

Why must I suffer to be awakened?

Why am I this way?

Sound familiar? Many of us wear this invisible cloak of victimhood. We cling to the belief that our suffering is sacred — that it will eventually pay off if we just endure enough of it. We tell ourselves the Universe owes us enlightenment in exchange for our pain. But that’s not how it works.

The truth is, playing the victim gets us nowhere. It traps us in a story that only exists in our heads — a story built from the past and projected into the future. We become so attached to who we think we should be — the broken one, the chosen one, the one destined for suffering — that we lose touch with who we are.

But here’s what changed everything for me: I realized I am not my suffering.

I am not my past.

I am not here to earn enlightenment through pain.

Buddha did not become Buddha by clinging to pain. He became awakened by letting go of it. He stopped seeking and simply was. The suffering I endured is real, but it lives in the past. Carrying it into every present moment hoping it will someday transform into wisdom only weighs me down.

When I stopped asking “Why me?” and stopped seeking a reason for everything, a strange thing happened — I felt free. Not because the world got kinder or my struggles vanished overnight. They didn’t. The world is still chaotic. People can still be cruel. Buddha is still Buddha. God is still God. And none them were the cause of my suffering. It is simply circumstances.

But I am no longer trapped in the story of my own victimhood.

I observe the past. I learn from it. I do not blame. I do not search for meaning where there may be none. Sometimes things just are.

This simple act of presence — choosing to stand fully in this moment without dragging the chains of the past — changed everything. Life feels lighter. I am more aligned. I no longer wait for a divine payoff for my pain. I create my life here, now, unbound by what was or what might be.

The day I stopped being a victim was the day I started truly living.

Divad