The Unseen Bags We Carry: Turning Triggers into Truth

There’s a moment in every healing journey where a seemingly small exchange—just a look, a comment, a sigh—cracks something wide open. For me, it happened during the final hours of a family vacation.

We were packing to head home. My husband made a passing comment about how overwhelmed he felt by all the things we had to pack. His energy shifted—he was visibly irritated. And before I could even process what was happening, something inside me flared. I matched his energy. My mood darkened. I got snappy. I felt… attacked.

Suddenly, I wanted to throw away everything I brought, especially the herbs and wellness items I had packed with care. I said something like, “Forget it, I don’t need to bring all this. I don’t need to bring anything if it’s such a hassle.” The words came fast, unfiltered. He was confused, even a little hurt. He told me he regretted sharing how he felt.

That’s when everything stilled. I heard those words—“I regret telling you how I felt.” And my heart broke open, because that is not what I want in my marriage. I want us to be able to speak freely. I want my partner to feel safe expressing himself. I don’t want love to be tiptoed around. So why did I react that way?

That question became a doorway. And Spirit walked me through it.

The Feminine Rage Beneath the Surface

What surfaced wasn’t just about packing.

It wasn’t even about my husband.

What came forward were the faces of two women I had recently spent time with—Vietnamese women in their 70s, living in the same apartment complex as my mother. I had been helping one of them apply for a community garden plot, something she deeply wanted to do. But she had to ask me to apply for her under my mom’s address. Her husband didn’t know. He couldn’t know. She was afraid it would upset him.

Another woman brought eggs for my children but refused a meal in return, whispering nervously and glancing behind her as if even our short interaction might stir conflict at home.

These women have spent decades dimming themselves, hiding things, walking on eggshells, staying quiet to keep the peace.

And in that moment, standing over my suitcase, I realized I had inherited some of that silence, some of that fear, some of that need to over-function, over-carry, over-please. That flare of anger in me wasn’t just mine. It was ancestral. It belonged to every woman who was told to shrink herself for harmony.

When You’re the One Who Breaks the Pattern

Awakening doesn’t always look like light beams and meditation music. Sometimes it’s you, standing in a mess of bags and emotions, wondering why you’re crying over a comment about packing. But in that pause—when I didn’t run, didn’t blame—I asked myself with radical honesty: What was I really reacting to?

I was reacting to the inherited belief that it’s my job to keep everything together, to never be an inconvenience, to never cause “too much trouble.” I was reacting to the unspoken fear that if I take up space with my needs, someone will leave or shut down. I was reacting to the fear that being myself fully—even with all my herbs and rituals and “extra” things—isn’t welcome.

But the truth? None of that was real anymore. My husband wasn’t attacking me. He was simply being human. He trusted me enough to speak his overwhelm. And I had a choice: to collapse into my generational wound… or to speak from the part of me that is free.

So I told him. I told him why I reacted. I told him about the women. I told him about the rage. And I told him it wasn’t his fault.

He heard me. He forgave me. And the heaviness lifted, not just from the room—but from my body, from the thread of women behind me.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by your own reaction…If you’ve ever shut down your partner because their honesty felt like an attack…

If you’ve ever wondered why something small sets off a wildfire in your chest…I want to offer you this:

💛 Pause and reflect. Your triggers are sacred messengers. Don’t shame yourself. Get curious.

🌿 Ask what ancestral memory might be rising. You may be feeling not just for yourself, but for those who were never allowed to feel.

🔥 Speak the truth kindly. After the wave has passed, come back and explain. Let your love witness your healing.

🕊️ Let the moment soften you, not harden you. Your relationship is not meant to avoid discomfort—it is meant to help you transform through it.

You are not crazy. You are not too much. You are the one brave enough to feel what others buried. You are the one strong enough to say, “This ends with me.”

May your relationship be a sanctuary for honest expression.

May you learn to hold both your partner’s truth and your own with grace.

May your healing be felt by every woman who came before you.

And may the bags you carry be filled not with burdens, but with light.

From my heart to yours,

Solarys