Trapped in the Dream, Set Free in the Body: A Raw Journey of Healing Trauma through Dreamwork, Reiki, and Rest

Trigger Warning: This post includes references to childhood trauma, body violation, rage, and self-worth struggles. Please read with care and only continue if you feel safe and ready.

The Quiet Battle Beneath the Black Moon

This past week cracked me open — not with chaos, but with clarity. It began with a familiar discomfort: the self-conscious tug on my shirt, the sudden awareness of how I was being seen in my body, the pressure to shrink myself, to hide, to make others more comfortable. I found myself spiraling in old thought patterns — “Is this shirt too tight?” “Do I look too much?” “Am I inviting harm just by existing this way?”

These thoughts weren’t new. They were old, deeply embedded, ancestral. They came from body shame, silence, violation, and a deep-rooted fear that somehow… everything would be my fault. I watched myself trying to be invisible — just to avoid judgment. That tension? That guilt? It wasn’t just about clothing. It was about belonging, safety. expression, self worth. What I didn’t expect was that this quiet discomfort was the first ripple in a full-body release and inner child healing that would rise through dreams, memories, and sacred rage — all under the approaching Black Moon, astrologically known as a time when our shadow is most visible — an opened gateway for a long-buried truth to rise.

🌙 2:02 a.m. — The Body Remembers

I woke at 2:02 a.m. this morning after feeling creepy sensations of something crawling all over my skin. I turned on the light, no insects, nothing visible. But something was moving. Energy. Memory. Electricity. I turned on healing frequencies (528Hz+432Hz+741Hz) to calm myself and drifted back to sleep. What came next wasn’t sleep. It was another purge.

🌒 The Dream That Opened the Floodgates

I was at a birthday celebration. A young woman stood in front of me — someone who felt like my daughter, but also like…a younger version of me. She walked to the blackboard and wrote a big “21” in chalk. She turned to me and said, with calm honesty, “I had to write my own birthday number even though it’s my birthday.” She wasn't angry. But I was ashamed. I felt guilty — why hadn’t I done it for her? I started apologizing, at the same time confused why I couldn't get up.

And that’s when I noticed the real reason I couldn’t stand up. I was trapped. I was lying in bed — sandwiched between four men, two on each side. On the left, the side of my personal history, were two male cousins from childhood. The one closest to me did nothing. He stayed silent, passive, indifferent. The one farthest was harassing me (he was also the one who harassed me in childhood). On the right were two strangers, mirror image of the left, one harassing me, the other a bystander. I couldn’t get up. I kicked. I struggled. But I lay there frozen, deeply aware of my shame — not just at being violated, but at being seen in this powerless position by my “daughter” — who now I understand was my 21-year-old self.

Somehow, I eventually broke free. I ran to the next room, looking for the missing guests. And what I saw next took the dream into a place beyond anything I’d ever experienced. As I approached the room, a man hurriedly exited, pleasant even handsome and harmless looking. When he saw me, he panicked. I instantly knew. I ran into the room and what I saw shattered me. There was a baby, she was frozen in terror, shock, a symbol of trauma. I immediately grabbed the man by the collar and screamed, “I’m going to kill you!” Rage shook through my bones. I rechecked on the baby and saw that someone who had stepped in to care for her. I screamed and screamed, shaking, burning, trembling in anger and pain.

The Memory That Confirmed the Pattern

And then I woke up — heart racing, body drenched in adrenaline, shame, guilt, sorrow, fury, every emotion at once. I meditated for a while to calm myself down and asked Spirit for clarity. Then, a memory from years ago came rushing back. At a family gathering, the same cousin was there — this time, with his own son. I was with my daughter, only two at the time. I watched in horror as his son mimicked his father — touching my daughter’s hands, her hair, in ways that sent alarms through my nervous system. And the adults? My mother, His grandmother were silent, oblivious or in denial of what was happening. It is part of their programming, ancestral pattern. They were taught to stay silent to keep the peace. They were represented as the "bystanders" in the dream who played a part in keeping me trapped.

At the time, I didn't understand this deeply. I was raging inside, angry at them for not seeing what I was seeing, just like they did when I was the one being hurt. I stepped in, held my daughter and blocked the boy gently but firmly. I protected my daughter the way no one protected me. Yet, I was also mirroring their behavior. I didn’t speak out loud. I swallowed my rage. I acted polite, not wanting to be "too much", or "too sensitive". And my body never forgot that moment. It stored it, until the Black Moon cracked it open.

The Symbolism: Layers of Truth Remembered

This wasn’t just a dream. It was a trauma release — a somatic flashback the body finally felt safe enough to process. A layered vision:

• The girl writing "21" — was me at 21, a version of myself who carried so much alone. She stood up for herself in that dream when I couldn’t. But now… I can.

• The bed — represented both paralysis and memory. The old trap of silence and the helplessness of being surrounded by both perpetrators and passive bystanders.

• Left side — felt like my personal lineage. The real people I once knew, the silence of family members.

• Right side — the collective wound. Strangers, yet familiar energies. How many of us have been violated, dismissed, or not believed?

• The baby — my inner child, my sacred innocence, frozen in fear. A part of me I could not save then — but can now.

• The rage — not destructive, but protective, sacred, the fury of the Divine Mother who returns for the child.

• The Gentle Face of Evil - What haunts me most was that this man looked like a good man. He was attractive, gentle, "normal" looking. But he was the one who harmed the child. This is where my dream shatters the illusion:

  • Danger does not always look like danger.

  • Abuse does not always come from monsters.

  • Sometimes, it wears a smile.

This was my subconscious breaking the spell — the myth that only “bad-looking” people can do bad things. It echoes what so many survivors know: that often the deepest betrayals come from the most trusted, the most praised, the most disarming. In spiritual language, this is called the unmasking of the false light — where something appears loving or safe but is deeply harmful. This realization, this initiation, is not just psychological. It’s alchemical.

Sacred Rage as Medicine

The girl who wrote “21” on the board — my younger self — wasn’t angry. She had clarity.

But the adult me, in the second room, raged. The moment rage returned, I reclaimed my will, my boundaries, my voice. I didn’t freeze this time. I confronted. This is not just dreamwork. This is soul retrieval.

Post-Release Recovery: What Comes After the Storm

After journaling my dream, I felt drained — physically and emotionally, as if my cells had exhaled a memory they’d been holding for decades. So I cooked mung bean and lotus seed porridge, soft and grounding. I remember I did yin yoga for release of anger and frustration the night before the dream and it must have played a major part in my body releasing more trapped emotions through dreams. I pulled a few oracle cards, all confirming what I am going through.

And just as I was internalizing, my Reiki friend — without knowing any of this — texted and offered me distance Reiki. I said yes. I received with gratitude. She later shared a vision: Me standing in the lake at Mount Shasta alone — the sacred waters of Lake Siskiyou. The synchronicities were not lost on me.

🌑 How Trauma Distorts Self-Worth, Body Image, and Abundance

This dream cracked open something I didn’t know I was still holding.

When we experience trauma — especially trauma that’s ignored, minimized, or shamed — our sense of worth warps. We internalize dangerous ideas like:

• “If I had spoken louder, this wouldn’t have happened.”

• “I must’ve done something wrong.”

• “It’s my fault I was hurt.”

These beliefs become silent scripts, running underneath our adult life:

• We fear being "too much" or "not enough" in public.

• We apologize for taking up space.

• We hate our bodies, seeing them as a liability or target.

• We fear receiving — love, money, help — because we don’t feel worthy.

And so yes, it blocks abundance. Because when you feel like you're inherently wrong, or too much, you don’t let life fully flow through you.

But today? Something shifted. Something unlocked. Now, I'm ready to receive.

The Science and Spirit of Dreamwork

Dreams are not just “random brain static.” In psychology, especially Jungian and Gestalt therapies, dreams are viewed as portals to the unconscious — messages, memories, and metaphors your mind cannot yet verbalize.

Trauma-informed dreamwork is used in:

• Jungian Analysis

• Internal Family Systems (IFS)

• Gestalt Dream Integration

• Somatic Experiencing

• Hypnotherapy

Dreams can mimic the effects of hypnotherapy, especially if your body feels safe enough to let go in sleep. The key to working with dreams for trauma healing:

• Don’t analyze with logic alone — feel what arises in the body.

• Don’t censor the "ugly" — shadow is part of your wholeness.

• Don’t rush to “fix it” — witness it first.

How to Support Your Own Dreamwork and Deep Healing

You do not need to spend thousands on hypnotherapy to begin. Start with your breath, your body, your truth. If you're reading this and wondering how to begin your own journey into subconscious healing, here are a few pathways:

1. Yin Yoga before bed: A slow, meditative practice that unlocks fascia and emotional trauma from the hips, womb, and heart. It can create the inner stillness needed for dreamwork to arise.

Here's the one I used for the release of anger and frustration.

2. Listening to healing frequencies: One of the most powerful tools that supported my emotional release was using healing frequencies and binaural sound therapy during sleep.

   Below is exactly what I did:

   1. Choose a Safe Sleep Space

   • Dim the lights.

   • Light a candle or diffuse calming oils like lavender or frankincense.

   • State an intention aloud:“I am ready to safely release what no longer belongs in my body.”

   2. Play a Healing Frequency All Night

   The night of the dream, I played the following:

   • 432 Hz - Natural harmony frequency; promotes emotional safety and Divine balance

   • 528 Hz - Known as the “Miracle Tone”; aids in DNA repair, emotional balance, and heart opening

   • 741 Hz - Aids detoxification and self-expression; supports throat chakra healing

   💡 Tip: Use YouTube or apps like Insight Timer or Spotify. Choose extended tracks (8–9 hours) so you’re not interrupted mid-sleep.

   3. Sleep with Water Nearby

   I placed a glass of water with a clear quartz inside by my bed — to amplify clarity and aid emotional detoxification.

   4. Grounding Upon Waking

   • Before touching your phone, sit up and place your hands on your chest or womb.

   • Ask, “What did I see? What wants to be remembered?”

   • Write everything down without interpretation.

   Why it Works: Sound bypasses the conscious mind and works directly on the nervous system, chakras, and cellular memory. Combined with intention, it can create an energetic bridge to the subconscious — allowing long-held trauma to surface through dreams.

3. Dream Journaling and analysis

Place a notebook by your bed. Before sleep, ask:

“Show me what needs to be released.” Write immediately upon waking. Don’t judge. Just record every details, even though you think it's insignificant.

There are many online resources to help you interpret the symbolism in the dreams. You can also use AI tools to help you decipher the message. I have used AI to help me with this frequently. Remember AI is only a tool, always tune into your own intuition and practice discernment. If something doesn't resonate in your heart space, don't accept it! :)

4. Reiki or Energy Healing

If you can’t afford a practitioner, try self-Reiki or ask for distant healing. Trust that Spirit will deliver what’s needed. If you are in the Bay area, check out Soulful Sanctuary for monthly community Reiki where you can affordably get a session in exchange for a small donation.

5. Water Rituals

Baths, swims, or simply placing water by your bed can invite emotional release. Water is the womb of memory.

6. Body Dialogue

Lie down and speak to the part of your body where you feel stuck. Ask: “What do you need to say? What memory lives here?”

Closing Words

People talk about forgiveness like it’s a spiritual badge. But what I’ve learned is this:

Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is not silence. Forgiveness is not a shortcut.

Real forgiveness is built on:

• Screaming into dreams what we never got to say in waking life.

• Feeling the holy fire of rage without shame.

• Holding our inner child when no one else did.

• Moving our bodies to unlock what our words couldn’t.

We don’t bypass to peace. We burn through to peace, and sometimes that means waking up in the middle of the night, sweating, shaking, remembering. Not because we are broken, but because we are finally safe enough to feel.

A Loving Disclaimer to My Readers

The story, insights, and practices shared in this post are based on my personal healing journey. While I incorporate holistic and intuitive tools such as dreamwork, yin yoga, somatic processing, and energy healing, please remember:

⚠️ This is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or trauma therapy advice.

Everyone’s healing path is unique. If you are navigating deep trauma, grief, or emotional overwhelm and are unsure how to proceed safely on your own, please seek guidance from a licensed mental health professional or somatic trauma-informed practitioner. That said — if any part of my story resonates and you feel ready to receive gentle energetic support, I now offer distance Reiki healing sessions as a certified Reiki practitioner.

✨ You’re welcome to reach out and schedule a one-on-one session with me. Together, we can create a sacred space for your nervous system to rest, your spirit to be witnessed, and your body to remember what safety feels like.

With so much love,

Solarys